Category Archives: Healing Journey

journals, notes, musings and the like about dealing with a consortium of complex and chronic illnesses (fibro/cfs-me) – yeah not the most fun category but whatev

Losing and Finding Creativity for “Real Rebel” podcast

I share declarations and healing stories while answering the question: Was there ever a time where you lost creativity? And how did you get it back? Recorded for, and excerpt shared on Katie Beumann’s Real Rebel podcast, Band of Rebels segment 04 released on Feb 22, 2019.

Shared in full here for posterity.

Soliloquy to go: Losing and Finding Creativity for “Real Rebel” podcast (43MB, 29:07, 192k stereo, mp3)

Glad to See CBD in Japan

In 1993, i began researching and uncovering the unique history of Cannabis in Japan, later (1998-2004) publishing my treatise “Hemp Culture in Japan” in several magazines and books (with encouragement from John Roulac and collaborations with Joe Wein and others).

At the time, hemp was still very taboo and only a secret crop used for the emperor’s new clothes (really).

Now, some decades later, hemp culture is so very alive in Japan with dozens of licensed crops, trade associations, conference forums, film screenings, museums and gentle activism and education campaigns. I am working to connect to this community as i have much to share and learn.

Anyhow, I am a very proud uncle to see all of this.

And now coming full circle in a way, i can enjoy great quality CBD tincture delivered to my new home in Okayama – specifically from Elixinol (an Australian-based company with divisions + relationships in Japan and elsewhere) is rolling out high-quality products with great promotional materials and messaging. The potential is truly boundless.

Thanks and congrats to Paul Benhaim and Makoto Matsumaru. Please let me know how i can help your noble efforts.

PS Worth noting for the record that I deal with ME/CFS and fibromyalgia.

Mementos of Pedicures

These days – what with the M.E.(cfs) and Fibro etc. – slowing me down, I find activities to get me out of the house which requires doing not much but sitting.

While pedicures may not seem like a medical therapy, and they’re certainly not, self-care is important part of my healing journey. Indeed, when feeling frustrated and early days of the illness, I made a list of things I can do which involves sitting down, but get me out of the house, and leave me with a feeling of satisfaction.

These ideas include: making scrapbooks, watching matinée movies, sitting in parks under a tree, getting my beard professionally trimmed (rather than chopping at it myself), as well as enjoying pedicures.

As such, on all my healing journeys, I find pedicure places to massage and soothe my feet, trim up my nails, and leave with some colour to decorate.

(Noting this predilection often elicits a strange response from the practitioners as painted toes aren’t as common for men as they are for women certainly, but I find this practice quite enjoyable nonetheless.)

In some cases, I paint my toes the colour of a local flag or other traditional local schemes (coconut trees, bamboo, waves…), otherwise I generally stick to shades of blue and green.

For the record: Indonesia and Thailand definitely have the best pedicure practitioners (is that the proper term?), but I’m also eager to try pedicures in Vietnam as many manicurists in the USA, come from Vietnam.

In India especially, they thought my practice of painting toes was very strange, as such, i did myself (very poorly yet joyfully nonetheless). In Nepal, they were low on supplies but made do with some rugged polish which was moreorless impervious to removal.

Once or twice, i enjoyed a pedicure whilst at sea.

I first started this practice at the advice of a lady who took me for a pedicure in Vancouver before going to Jamaica the first time at that time, I had Jamaican flags painted on my big toes (not sure i have a photo…).

Sometimes i take photos of my toes, not all the time, here are some of mah big ole ugly feets.

Sometimes i forget and just take snap of the old colour before replacing. No annotations since i don’t expect anyone will look or care, i mean really, its just photos of my feet – ewwww. Continue reading Mementos of Pedicures

Healing Journey: Update, Summer 2018

What i want… fully

I want to laugh so hard my face is going to fall off

I want to be hugged and squeezed so hard my ribs might break

I want to be told nice things so much that I blush

I don’t want jealousy or snideness or cynicism or snarkiness or sarcasm

I want kindness and creativity to/for me like I give to others

I want patience, like real honest patience, with no expectations that I will “do anything“ besides bathe and hydrate and rest

I want a safe place where I can spend hours fiddling with papers and pencils and scissors and glue

I want to wake up in the first thing I do is *not* feel pain

I want to lay down on the pillow and fall asleep without twitching and flipping and flopping for hours

I want a night without nightmares

I want to feel that feeling that people call optimism

I want to not think about dying (and relief it would bring) #NotSelfdestructive

I genuinely want people to enjoy the creations I make… and not just people I “know“… like strangers and people “in the wild“

I want respect for my contributions to humanity

I want to rest, like actual invigorating rest where you wake up refreshed

I want gentle adventure

I want to believe what I’m saying and telling other people

I want to cry for an actual reason – not just all the time

I want to nap where I actually fall asleep, not just laying there, staring at the ceiling

I want to be touched, gently

I want to believe in something

I want to be adored

I want to feel important (again)

I know many of these things are called actual true things“ already… But I want to actually legit “feel” them. Approximately 98% of my energy is sucked away by simply getting out of bed, bathing and hydrating and (sorta) pulling myself out of depression.

Forever Grateful, love dvo/uw

A little note for you for sticking with me, being my friend, checking in from time to time, taking a look at my little creations, etc.

 dvo/UW

Poetry > Phone

source of quote unknown, source of art also unknown

If folks ever wonder what I’m doing, or how I’m doing or whatever… they can figure it out through reading my poetic dispatches. To me it’s very obvious but I suppose it shrouded in mixed- metaphors, curious phrasings and obtuse examples. Though to me, poetry is one’s life distilled to core essence. Far more sincere than “catch-up chitchat“ on a phone call.

Also (vaguely related):

My journals/notebooks/scrapbooks etc. are the most precious items which I keep safe and stored (keep in mind I have very few possessions). Most all of the contents is sort of in the “code of poetry” – specifics are known only to me and someone would have to be *very* dedicated to interpret the metaphors into facts and emotions. There something in Nabakov’s Lolita which expresses similar sentiment (no creepiness intended).

Question: If you shred your journals, will you make something out of the scraps from the shredder?

“Unrest” Documentary about CFS-ME

Dave gazes at Rodin's interpretation of the Gates of Hell from Dante's Inferno
Dave gazes at Rodin’s interpretation of the Gates of Hell from Dante’s Inferno

Finally up worked nerve/courage to watch @unrestfilm – Cried & laughed + noted im not alone. So much familiar: documenting, crashing, trying *everything*, endless Drs, so much confusion/suspicion/loss. 5 years along #cfsme & #fibro. Was invincible dynamite before.

Also, was funny in the movie to see her obsessing about mold and putting up a tent (I did this), making bone broth (which I did obsessively and one of my former charges now has a bone broth company), all the supplements (which I spent so much money on!), and all the “superfood“ smoothies/drinks/concoctions… Oh, and also all the Chinese herbal remedies cooked up in a big pot making the whole house smell crazy weird.

PS Unrest the film is on Netflix, iTunes and other places.

Auspicious day

9 years ago today, I presented “fuck stats make art” to a full house at SXSW, scored hash brownies and MDMA in Austin, drank whiskey backstage with the black angels. 11 years ago, signed up for Twitter. Also brother Bob’s birthday.

These days, a challenge to just get out of bed for a cup of tea… I’m really trying to “move on”, find “acceptance” and “close the book on old life” but it sure the fck ain’t easy with such wild & fulfilling actions in my past

#thanksforlistening #nosympathy #freehugs #trying

Grateful: International Women’s Day

 
A fond salute of admiration to exceptional, compassionate, empathetic and skilled medical professionals who have helped me along on this healing journey. Admiration for their tenacity in training, professionalism in practice, and kindness and patience shown to this ole brokedown poet. #respect