Category Archives: Notes to Future Self

notes and miscellanea kept for amusement and further reference – lists, recipes, notices, oddities and secret messages

Front Row, Surrounded by Pals, Lost in Music

++ Front Row, Surrounded by Pals, Lost in Music ++

Whalley-ite and publisher of the fanzine Terminally Stupid and Vancouver hardcore music historian of sorts Dan Walters shared this snap. Can ya spot me? I’m always front row and smiling – i like it loud and music was escape. Note middle part hair.

Anyhow, Dan writes, “York Theatre Feb 17 1985 TSOL headlined. In the photo with you, Brad, Kamel, Kai, Kelly, Tim is Judas Goat onstage- Dave and Brian from DOA with Andy Graffiti on drums.”

Kameljit Gill was a force of nature (it was early days for the Indian influx to Surrey), tall, fearless and creative and always stirring up trouble – also an asshole but it was Whalley, you sorta had to be – i havent seen him since these olden days. Kai (another big guy) and him would make me be the first stage diver at shows to get things going. They’d toss me up there and sometimes even catch me when i leapt – pain tolerance was higher than. Brad Rees and I were pretty inseparable and i snuck out and stayed at his house often cause his Mom was cool (still is) and we could play music in the basement (until a grumpy step-dad would get liquored and angry).

Lots of the punk bands (which to me were already legendary superheroes) had “Fuck Bands” where they’d switch up instruments and wear ridiculous costumes and adopt other personas (I recall Chainsaw Running with Dave Gregg on drums being another).

Our little squad of Whalley misfits were all very different but hung out cause we were punks in a land of metal hessians. We made fanzine and bands. Notably AOT (Abortions on Toast) which the aforementioned Mr. Walters digitized the cassette “Music to Eat Lightbulbs by” (which i’ll make a soundcloud for one of these days and share some snaps). Dan Barney has a tshirt. I don’t.

The York was such a great place as shows were all ages and, importantly for us suburban skid kids, *NOT* downtown. Busses were tough (this is pre-Skytrain when we rolled the 312 or 316 in) and sometimes we were stuck walking all the way to Hastings/Refrew PNE to catch a bus back to Surrey. This night, we got as far as Whalley Exchange which was a shit place to be at 1AM or so. Dayton boot clad Whalley Burnouts ruled Surrey then and you’d get stomped if not careful. I hated living there and music was my escape.

These few years (83-85) were halcyon times for me seeing dozens of bands. Saving my money from delivering Real Estate Weekly newspaper to see shows from Bowie at BC Place to Clash at Coliseum to Dead Kennedys at York and Ramones at Commodore (at 14) and dozens more including loads of California-based punk bands and DOA a few dozens times. Bill of Rights, Death Sentence, House of Commons, Shanghai Dog seemed to open up so many shows (hence the fuck bands to bring variety). Plus Bag O Dirt, Slits, I Braineater, Spores….

On a personal note: This night, my Mom picked me/us up at Whalley Exchange (called from a payphone at Mac’s), the 17th was her birthday and Dad was not thrilled i went to the show and out late and all that. A couple months later my parents were split and i moved to Utah. Life changed a lot. These were golden times for me and the only shows i regret are the ones i didn’t go to.

The York turned into the Raja cinema and then was evidently saved from demolition by East Van Cultch.

Did you see shows at the York? Were you a suburban kid escaping for music? Did music save you? Define you? Tell me about it.

Beige unrelenting present…

Every day brings
An anniversary of something grand
So much promise and vigour
Graceful ambition, earnest yearning
“Don’t let the past affect the future”
Sound so easy
Until the beige unrelenting present
Brings another morning of pain

Art Might Get Lonely

Might Get Lonely - Reap Rewards
Might Get Lonely – Reap Rewards

{With talk these days of the fleeting nature of social media “success” and [purchasing flase attention and affection… i offer these thoughts adding to a conversation sparked by Wayne Shaddow} Take it if you need it, if not, just let it go.

Art makes the future, make for yourself first – if you dont “feel it” dont waste your time.

Channel a mix of joy and anguish and mix with honesty. Dont cheat yourself or any potential audience.

Don’t pander and don’t “give em what they want” – this process might get lonely, you will see other “enjoy” the buzz of immediate attention but this is a sugar-rush which likely doesn’t last long.

Instead, prepare yourself for the long haul of making creations which will inspire the generation behind you. There are wee doppleganger of you growing up, struggling with identity and understanding – maybe in school or maybe in retirement – you seek (unwittingly perhaps) exactly what you are capable of creating.

Visualize them if you desire an audience and then share your work, standing behind your creation with integrity, and let the audience breathe life and meaning into your offerings. Your rewards will come in mysterious way, not unlike the mysterious red envelopes of Chinese New Year tradition.

Tarot Reading, Jan. 2018

My dear friend K. did this remote Tarot reading for me as she’s done a few times previous. Posting (slightly edited for personal-ness) notes here for reference to future self.

I’ve been channeling you all day though. I’m wearing the purple calico shirt you left at Dane’s. I stole it from him the last time I was there. (It looks better on me anyway!) I’m also wearing your mom’s Birkenstocks and listening to the Grateful Dead.



I set up the space with a bunch of Dave O memorabilia and letters. I put the photo of you in your Chinese garb on my phone to watch over the shuffling, cutting and dealing of cards.  Your energy was here in every way!

1.You: The Fool, one who walks without fear, you are attempting to manifest creativity, move toward wholeness and re-own your courage(how apt!)

2.Crossed by Love (2 of cups). I don’t think I need to define “love.” (Again, how apt!)

3.Distant past: Dominion (2 of wands) Drive to be a pioneer, dynamic energy, leadership ability.

4. Recent past: Peace (2 of swords) The mind is at peace on a subconscious level concerning two polarities, situations, or relationships.

5. The present: The Magus, the communicator. Gifted in areas of visual and auditory arts, mass media/ public relations.

6. Near future: Oppression (10 of wands) You are experiencing self-repression. There’s a fear you will not be understood or accepted. There’s determination to release this. Looking back ten years before may reveal the same feelings.

7. Present position: Debauch (7 of cups) Indicates a pattern of emotional overextension. You’re experiencing some depression and are trying to relieve the pain by overindulging.

8. Environmental factors (influence of others/ your influence on others): Satiety (10 of cups) Deep emotional satisfaction!!!

9.Hopes and fears: Death. DO NOT INTERPRET LITERALLY!!! It’s a great card! Something is ending and that makes way for a beginning. Like you said, you “burned down your old life” I also think you’re terrified of a new relationship ending badly.

10. Culmination: Science (6 of Swords). You have the gift of logical, rational thinking to communicate about something new that needs to be put forth in a clear, objective way to be understood and well received.



In conclusion: You seek a new love interest that is really satisfying, but you don’t want it to go up in flames. You are getting back to a place that you have that drive to create & communicate. Use your communication abilities to express yourself in a clear, rational way.

It’s kinda funny that you got no disks in this reading. Disks are related to health and wealth. I can only assume from this coincidence, that your path is mental, spiritual and emotional. Your physical world will take care if itself, if you take care of the other domains.

On that note, I’ll share your horoscope from my favorite eclectic wordsmith, Rob Brezsny.

“Just because you’ve become accustomed to a certain trouble doesn’t mean you should stop searching for relief from that trouble. Just because a certain pain no longer knocks you into a demoralized daze for days at a time doesn’t mean it’s good for you. Now here’s the good news: In 2018, you can finally track down the practical magic necessary to accomplish a thorough healing of that trouble and pain. Make this the year you find a more ultimate cure.

Musings and Intentions for 2018

Intentions for 2018
Intentions for 2018

New Year’s Gratitude, 2018

No automatic alt text available.Grateful to those of you who gave me a place to sleep, a hug, answered the phone, rescued me, put up with me, let me send you postcards, reminded me of important things, told me I was useful, etc. in this past year.

May our gentle friendship revolution continue in perpetuity.

Always be posting…

Always be posting… That way, a few weeks later, you receive a note that you’ve made someone happy, even for a moment or two. Sometimes, they put on their refrigerator with a magnet, or in a scrapbook or in a shoebox.

Dog days of healing

 Sure don’t enjoy talking about, or even acknowledging cause feels like i’m conceding power & spreading sadness, but… fck me, the fibro + me/cfs etc really got me achey bleary today. I’ll be alright, just saying here rather than hollering out-loud and weirding folks out.

Enlisting in a future past (just for the hat, not the fight)

pyjamas are monogrammed… of course :)

Of course my pyjamas are monogrammed. What do you think I am? A savage?