Tag Archives: annotations

Healing: a declaration, about going & becoming ~ Phitsanulok, THA

a certain angle required to unlatch the door to everything which exists “out there”

What follows comes from my erstwhile “Healing Journal” – written/compiled on a foggy meandering journey to various countries visiting all manner of hospitals, clinics and exploring various healing modalities and technique dealing with #MECFS.

Please watch the “Healing Ramble, introduction” video for context on this series.

This entry from Phitsanulok, Thailand  Oct. 2016 riffs in between 2 extended parts of the trip while flashing back on a few parts which we might get to (chronology be danged).

For reference, its now June 2021, i live in Japan, am stable if far from “normal”.  Carry on.

sure, break the glass but the door is still locked

Phitsanulok, Oct, 2016

I wrote this declaration upon waking up,

“This past summer after literally losing my mind {long story, didn’t end well, not recommended}, I decided to step into the abyss, bravely, intrepidly and without compromise.

While holed up at a mountain cabin while chaos swirled around my life, I’d listen to the messages from records stashed in a basement 25 years before like an unintentional time capsule. I hotboxed my beloved old VW bus, which is now a sauna, where so many memories – happy memories – happened. I reunited with charming characters from my past and even better, met their children who were adults, moreso than me anyway.

Then with a solid head of mushrooms and MDMA (therapeutically), a plan came to me. So on this psychedelic carpet, i clicked enough buttons on the internet to purchase an abstract variety of plane and train tickets to send me around like a manic board game in such of a new flavour of truth and reality >> Salt Lake City to Las Vegas to Pacifica to Chaing Mai and now to this rather-anonymous-work-a-day city Phitsanulok where I’m practically the only foreigner in a city mourning the death of their beloved King. I’m finding comfort and solace and healing.

In scant days, I will leave again into (for me) un-charted territory beyond what science and reason says it’s capable of this haggard body, but I refuse to accept anything but finding some sense of joy.

I can live with pain, i accept this (i suppose, begrudgingly but practically), but i cannot accept living without my brain and without my heart and soul. I am born to give, i exist to share and i am empty without these.

Without a safety net, without an emergency escape route, without language skills, without the strength to punch my way out of a wet paper bag, i built a tiny universe and painted the walls just the colour i chose.

So, who will return to the West Coast on December 6th? Will i return? What will i look like? Who will i be? I am indifferent to all of these questions as the destination is simply a byproduct of the journey.

The journey is me and I am the journey, brick by brick, stride by stumble, i will gently apply the mortar to rebuild, to renew, to replenish and regenerate from the very mitochondrial cells outward.

Whatever the results, it will be me.”

all the colours are possible, sometimes, i suppose, beyond the black… “let’s imagine” i suggest

See also: Thunderstorm in the Crash Years & Story of a bath and more to come… next stop: India, come along

Healing: Story of Pitsanuvej Hospital ~ Phitsanulok, Thailand

Rolling around Pitsanuvej Hospital, Phitsanulok, Thailand. I felt very cared for there, thanks to my “handlers”

What follows comes from my erstwhile “Healing Journal” – written/compiled on a foggy meandering journey to various countries (Pacifica, Phitsanulok, Cochin, Pokhara, Dikwella/Galle…) visiting all manner of hospitals, clinics and exploring various healing modalities and techniques.

Shared here more-or-less unedited for posterity (whatever that is) and to shed light to those struggling who might come across this riff. Please watch the “Healing Ramble, introduction” video for context on this series.

This entry, from Phitsanulok, Thailand, late 2016 was written in the weeks following – hence possible tense shifting. (Finally) organized and published May-June 2021 – i now live in Japan, am stable if far from “normal”.  No comments, sympathy requested or accepted. Carry on. 

Phitsanulok, Thailand, Oct. 2016~

[visited this hospital 4 times 2016-18, these notes are from the first 2 visits]

Intro: My various medical diagnoses (central sensitivity syndrome, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome / M.E.) are generally diagnoses of elimination meaning, (in brief): finding out what it *isn’t*, and if every other possible thing can be eliminated, these are your diagnoses (given the symptoms etc. blah blah blah).

While there is extensive research for specific bio-markers for these diseases (thanks Open Medicine Foundation et al), comprehensive universal, diagnostic methods do not currently exist (and yeah i know there are loads of folks who have alternate theories, whatever, write your own spiel).

waiting for yet another bus in the rain in Vancouver – was all too much for me. holy anxiety and stress and confusion

While in my [ed note: former] home in Vancouver, Canada, these tests are certainly available, I found the process to be an extremely laborious – ergo: after waiting for specialist referral appointment and meeting, i would be sent for a couple of tests requiring a bus ride to the lab, waiting, dealing with all the commotion and pain (yes) of testing and then following up with the doctor who wouldn’t necessarily give me the “science” behind the results – just a “its fine, nothing to see here”.  The results were *evidently* available on a website, which I found impossible to utilize, and the experience overall was very draining.

As such, I compiled a list of all tests I wanted to undertake, and sought a hospital at which I could do all and “own the data.”

own your data (in a cute folder!)

My thinking is, “the sooner I can eliminate all other possibilities, the sooner I can get on with a proper healing regimen and be assured I was doing everything I could to feel better and heal my body etc.”

getting sensors on for an EEG to check my brain impacted from various injuries and concussions

Continue reading Healing: Story of Pitsanuvej Hospital ~ Phitsanulok, Thailand

Typing Intentions + Annotations (with coffee), New Year 2021

Typed for the record and placed on the altar of importancy

Intentions (some, not all) and Annotations (various)
for 2021 / Reiwa 3

Did a little live streamed hang out while banging out some big picture themes and a bunch of practical to-do tasks {as well as a note to self}.

Fiddled with Lettera 34 typewriter to get it operational and then talked my way through various big thoughts and practical plans for the year ahead including a “note to self“ that I won’t get all these things done but I’ve *come so far so fast – so, so “steady on davey, steady on.

Anyway, lovingly – if not perfectly – typed on hemp paper on my erstwhile custom letterhead / and now up on the altar for the kami to help.

Video: Come spin through the video spiel if you have a notion. {It’s over on the face space to see how I got to this point}. Let’s try (gets rolling at :20 min after i silicon up the machine)

{embed not possible due to background music it seems / incidental fair use?}

Summary: Evolutions, not Resolutions, slowly slowly > Your creativity is not going away anywhere, you have decades ahead, first build a foundation & then castle that’s above

The Results ^ note: please lend me a hand – whether it be practical or encouragement – I am wide open to advice and good vibes, truly.

Annotations: Regarding Japanese-inspired Poetry

Consider the words
Write them once, only –
In a single inky sweep
On tactile paper
Then add a flower
Close the book
For now

&/or do none of the above

(from summer 2018 Moleskine accordion notebook “when everything changed”)

Poem: post office closed (again)

Poem: post office closed (again)

Post office closed
(again)
You’ll need another
day to know
you are loved
by a lost poet
without a watch

Ichiro: 1 Month / 23.7.2020 (shrine, grave and various annotations)

July 23, 2020 Ichiro Stanley Thorvald Olson hit the one month mark since birth.

For the record: born June 23, 2020 (Reiwa 2), 16:24, Sun Clinic, Okayama, Japan, 3064 grams. 

As is tradition in Japan, we visited a Shinto shrine – though due to various safety concerns, we did not go to the originally planned shrine (Kibitsu jinja – map – we visited back in January before he was born) or Munetada jinja (where we were married which was our back up plan) – instead just stayed in the neighbourhood and went to the big Torii gate of Tenshin jinja with the parents (but did not climb the endless stairs to the top). Then… Clap clap bow bow say a few words to the kami and (of course) snap a few snaps (10 of which are compiled below). 

Then, as was the tradition throughout the pregnancy, we visited grandpa Ichiro’s grave to give it a clean, light incense, and have a conversation to him including introducing his a little namesake. This providing the opportunity to see 4 generations of the family legacy all at once (in a manner of speaking). PS Grandma Tomiko will be interred her on Aug. 19th. 

To be thorough, Ichiro’s name comes from a combination of his grandpa, Ryoko’s best university sensei (Hongo-sensei), and the desire to have a name which is familiar to western minds and emulates the cross-cultural excellence of the noted baseball player.

Then, my best pal and the fellow who made all of this possible by introducing Ryoko and I, the goat farmer Mac Kobayashi came over for a big sushi dinner and then hang out in the barn studio to listen to records (Built to Spill, Mudhoney, “Father” John Misty, Dan Mangan, Chet Baker…) which is a whole other story.

Anyhow, what follows are a few general notes about our wonderful little dude, basically annotations and observations from his first month. Continue reading Ichiro: 1 Month / 23.7.2020 (shrine, grave and various annotations)

Happy Birthday Flashback for Dad, Lorne H. Olson, 2018

Happy Birthday Dad

Lorne Harold Olson AKA Dr. O

Dec. 1, 1941 (Winnipeg) ~ Feb. 11, 2014 (Surrey)

As seen at the (awkwardly inaccurately named) Old Indian Wishing Well of Capilano, circa 1976.

I am still,…

I am still, and here.

#wonder #grateful #healing #reinvention #quietish #freehugs

Anything I can do to make your life better?

So how are you doing? Anything I can do to make your life better?

#

Grateful, the world to see… #thanksgiving

May I continue? By the way, I don’t do the feasting part of Thanksgiving these days but I like being thankful for stuff.

I am thankful for art and the artists who create and inspire me and others by dedicating themselves honestly to elevating above craft into making things for the future

I’m grateful for music, especially played by diligent up-and-coming bands who often become friends (I love being your fan), especially all the people over the years who said “dude you got to have my cassette and/or CD) I’ve captured and collected your efforts in a shoebox.

I’m grateful for the trains that still exist in the World to slowly rolled me to elsewhere and that the idea of travelling open oceans is in a state room in a freighter still exists.

I’m thankful for the 100 or so practicum students from all over the world I had the privilege of mentoring through many jobs, to help launch their dreams, careers, travelling, creation etc.– you “young folk” </ Old man voice> catch too much crap from crusty old bastards but I am 100% in belief that you will change the world for the better.

I am thankful for the few other people in the world who still send postal mail with thank you letters with interesting and heartfelt stories.

I am thankful I wasn’t too much of a jerk throughout my life or this healing journey would be super lonely. Along with this, I’m thankful I did all of those talks (mostly for free) to all sorts of groups (not just bigshot gigs) as I met so many lovely people who still send me messages despite perhaps barely meeting me in real life.

I’m grateful and thankful I visited my beloved old Volkswagen bus (hot boxed of course… It’s a sauna) and thankful that I documented and organized and stored so many artefacts from my previous life as they colour who I am today. Noteworthy especially is that killer stash of records unearth of late. Also, I have every letter any of you ever wrote to me, organized, sorted and stored.

I’m thankful for having folks and friends scattered all over the world who make my life more diverse, colourful and interesting — you give me sparks and dreams of adventures — virtual and/or meat space.

i’m super wanna be over…

i’m super wanna be over with this disability in general, but especially done with the fucking paperwork that endlessly comes along.

##

PS I really hate it when I say anything about this publicly because I hate being a downer but, it’s truthfully not just the paperwork (of course) that’s just one other thing that piled on top of all the insomnia and muscle spasms and pain and confusion and brain fog.

Now that I’ve been prescription med free for over a year, I have more brain, but also more pain.

And in my somewhat bullshit “journey towards acceptance”, I’m trying not to be so coy and vague and take all this on myself. Truthfully it’s more than I can handle.

Just thanks to you each for listening and still caring about this broke down old dude.

I had a few super great days, the best I’ve had in sometime but then the inevitable crash happens and payback is a fucking bitch.

#Spoonies

Open all the doors (and see reflections)

The Santeria god/ess of doors, windows, pathways & corridors opens destinations & closes pitfalls as needed