Tag Archives: fibromyalgia

Thunderstorms in the Crash Years – Postcard #75

Pod cover - postcards from gravelly beach - thunderstorms in crash years

Amidst a thunderstorm at 4AM in Chiang Mai, Dave discusses – with excessive frankness and emotion – various medical conundrums (Fibromyalgia and CFS-ME) and details the physical feelings of “crash mode” as well as the mental strain in dealing with self de-identification and inter-personal relationships, confusion in seeking help, and various alternative treatments. No sympathy or advice requested.

Always be kind for: Thunder in the Crash Years – Postcard #75
(75MB, 37:09, mp3, stereo)

Continue reading Thunderstorms in the Crash Years – Postcard #75

“Unrest” Documentary about CFS-ME

Dave gazes at Rodin's interpretation of the Gates of Hell from Dante's Inferno
Dave gazes at Rodin’s interpretation of the Gates of Hell from Dante’s Inferno

Finally up worked nerve/courage to watch @unrestfilm – Cried & laughed + noted im not alone. So much familiar: documenting, crashing, trying *everything*, endless Drs, so much confusion/suspicion/loss. 5 years along #cfsme & #fibro. Was invincible dynamite before.

Also, was funny in the movie to see her obsessing about mold and putting up a tent (I did this), making bone broth (which I did obsessively and one of my former charges now has a bone broth company), all the supplements (which I spent so much money on!), and all the “superfood“ smoothies/drinks/concoctions… Oh, and also all the Chinese herbal remedies cooked up in a big pot making the whole house smell crazy weird.

PS Unrest the film is on Netflix, iTunes and other places.

Beige unrelenting present…

Every day brings
An anniversary of something grand
So much promise and vigor
Graceful ambition, earnest yearning
“Don’t let the past affect the future”
Sound so easy
Until the beige unrelenting present
Brings another morning of pain

So many years now
Trying, climbing, sliding
Up the slides of a slippery well
Fighting, accepting, relenting
Leaves with only
Exhaustion from the inevitable slide

The shaggy dog comes to rest beside
Oddly purring softly, sedately
Sharpening his claws
Glancing up at me
Noted
I am left alone

Artifacts from Dissanayake Ayurvedic Hospital, Galle (Sri Lanka)

Background: Along my healing journey, I received treatment at Dissanayake Ayurvedic Hospital in Galle, Sri Lanka, a government-run, pay-what-you-can facility.

Dissanayake Ayurvedic Hospital
Dissanayake Ayurvedic Hospital: Sign

I attended this hospital for Ayurveda treatments for some weeks during Dec. 2017-Jan 2018 and was treated by a kind practitioner called Ruwan. I also met with a wise Doctor who recommended I do a longer in-patient Panchakarma program here, but… some life situations changed and i didn’t do the program. I saw the rooms and talked to the doctors and while it was very spartan and not cozy, the staff seemed to be very intent on their practice.

Continue reading Artifacts from Dissanayake Ayurvedic Hospital, Galle (Sri Lanka)

Dog days of healing

Sure don’t enjoy talking about, or even acknowledging cause feels like i’m conceding power & spreading sadness, but… fck me, the fibro + me/cfs etc really got me achey bleary today. I’ll be alright, just saying here rather than hollering out-loud and weirding folks out.

from Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/p/BcSM1LplRyg/

Special affection for these diligent healers

Career opportunities: professional hugger and/or notary public.
Special affection for these diligent healers who kindly welcomed and looked after a beat-down aging lad in a far-flung foreign land.

Of logistics and papers of health conundrums…


Hey Pals, remember a week or so ago when I was feeling so blue and grousing about all this paperwork and the anxiety and the stress it causes…?

Well after a mighty effort yesterday, everything is packaged into four envelopes to mail to various government offices, doctors, insurance companies and so on.

But I’ll tell you, it was no fun emotionally or mentally as i listed all the different doctors, treatments, modalities and so on for the past three years. And the net result is of no benefit to me as they simply take out the Canada pension plan disability pymt from my private insurance disability payment (Which, don’t get me wrong I’m incredibly grateful to receive otherwise I would be living in a tarpaper shack by now).

Telling you this as a “victory lap” since I didn’t go out to celebrate with pints and joints till 4:20 AM (instead took a long hot bath with Japanese bath salts, three kinds of soap and some nice tunes in a dark bathroom) 

Plus telling you this so I can let you know I truly appreciate each of you for acknowledging me when I’m losing my shit, offering to help, letting me know that you care and that I’m not invisible.

I know I’m not a real peach to be around these days and as much as I try to be positive and optimistic, there is no mental strength I have to stop wondering “what if?”…

I’ve gotten closer to acceptance in that I accept that I will never be the guy I used to be, and progress will be slow but there is more out there for me to do. 

My revolutions are now much more gentle and usually done from the comfort of a bed.

But truly, thanks, I often regret sharing this shit with all of you since everyone has lives and responsibilities and expectations and problems but, it’s what I know how to do.

Did I mention thanks and that I adore you?

I’ll add a photo of something as people seem to enjoy those :-) and now that I’m done, perhaps I’ll share a new batch of music for your ears soon to overwhelm all the negativity, violence and politics and religion and nonsense in the world.

Occasionally, Dave

Healing: Shirodhara Time (Kerala)

 Shirodhara is a form of Ayurvedic therapy that involves gently pouring liquids over the forehead and can be one of the steps involved in Panchakarma.

Healing: Notes to self (handwritten, various)

Notes about erstwhile healing cycles and conundrums

It’s a super fucked up (and even vicious) cycle.

It goes like this:

  • Start feeling a wee bit better
  • Get vaguely happy & optimistic
  • Begin scheduling coffee dates, chitchats and thinking about future plans
  • Go for walks, write postcards, make scrapbooks, meditate, sign up for tai chi class etc.
  • Somehow, amongst all these good healthy lifestyle growing healing activities, you managed to do too much and crash
  • Spin & struggle for days – which often turn into weeks – trying to regain some sense of equilibrium and strength and brainpower
  • This is difficult so you spend more time meditating, taking hot baths, buying more supplements, more medical appointments, more reading literature about these conditions….
  • Then you feel lousy because you’ve had to cancel appointment, haven’t contributed anything meaningful to the human conversation for days, haven’t mail postcards, I haven’t written a damn poem or a story or crafted nothing…
  • Wonder what it is like to sleep… Consider extreme measures… Realize you’ve tried all extreme measures… Flip and flop and twist and turn and get up and walk around and stretch and all of a sudden it’s 5 AM and you haven’t slept again
  • Have a long cry, a long hot bath and try to shake out the negativity which comes from not “doing anything” because you remember that doing isn’t important it’s “being” but still you’re frustrated because just getting out of the apartment takes a Herculean effort
  • Wonder what’s next and hope folks are patient with the shit you’re going through, question your own relevancy moving forward.