Tag Archives: trying

Healing Journey: Update, Summer 2018

“Unrest” Documentary about CFS-ME

Dave gazes at Rodin's interpretation of the Gates of Hell from Dante's Inferno
Dave gazes at Rodin’s interpretation of the Gates of Hell from Dante’s Inferno

Finally up worked nerve/courage to watch @unrestfilm – Cried & laughed + noted im not alone. So much familiar: documenting, crashing, trying *everything*, endless Drs, so much confusion/suspicion/loss. 5 years along #cfsme & #fibro. Was invincible dynamite before.

Also, was funny in the movie to see her obsessing about mold and putting up a tent (I did this), making bone broth (which I did obsessively and one of my former charges now has a bone broth company), all the supplements (which I spent so much money on!), and all the “superfood“ smoothies/drinks/concoctions… Oh, and also all the Chinese herbal remedies cooked up in a big pot making the whole house smell crazy weird.

PS Unrest the film is on Netflix, iTunes and other places.

Auspicious day

9 years ago today, I presented “fuck stats make art” to a full house at SXSW, scored hash brownies and MDMA in Austin, drank whiskey backstage with the black angels. 11 years ago, signed up for Twitter. Also brother Bob’s birthday.

These days, a challenge to just get out of bed for a cup of tea… I’m really trying to “move on”, find “acceptance” and “close the book on old life” but it sure the fck ain’t easy with such wild & fulfilling actions in my past

#thanksforlistening #nosympathy #freehugs #trying

Declaration: upon waking up

I wrote this declaration upon waking up…

This past summer, after literally losing my mind, I decided to step into the abyss… Bravely, intrepidly and without compromise.

Holed up at a mountain cabin while chaos swirled around my lives, I listened to the message from records from decades ago, I hot boxed my beloved bus were so many happy memories happened, I reunited with charming characters from my past and even better, met their children who are adults (moreso than me anyway), then with a solid head of mushrooms and MDMA, this plan came to me.

On a psychedelic carpet, i clicked enough buttons on the Internet, to purchase an abstract variety of plane tickets to send me a round like a manic boardgame in search of a new flavour of truth and reality.

Salt Lake to Las Vegas to Pacifica to Chaing Mai and now to this anonymous city where I’m practically the only foreigner in a city mourning the death of their beloved King, I’m finding comfort and solace and healing.

In scant days, I will leave again into uncharted territory, beyond what science and reason says is capable of this haggard body but I refuse to except anything but finding some sense of joy.

I can live with pain I accept, but I cannot accept living without my brain and without my heart and soul. I am born to give, exist to share, and I am empty without those.

Without a safety net, without and emergency escape route, without language skills, without the strength to punch my way out of a wet paper bag, I have built a tiny universe and painted the walls just the colour I chose.

Who will return to the West Coast on December 6? what will I look like? Who will I be? I am indifferent to all of these questions as the destination is simply a byproduct of the journey.

The journey is me and I am the journey. Brick by brick, I will gently apply the mortar to rebuild, to renew, to replenish and regenerate from the very mitochondrial cells outwards.

What ever the result, it will be me.

Old vs New (notes re: self)

Renegade adventurer v. Eccentric gentleman  

Remote and natural v. Walkable villages  

Ragged beards v. Straight razor shaves and mustache  

Hiking shorts and rock t-s v. Tailored suits and fitted shirts  

Free conference pens v. Disposable fountain pens  

Craft beer v. Water and tea  

Fat doobies v. Unfiltered cigarillos  

Freeverse v. Lyrics

DIY repairs v. Takeout mending  

Self-service v. Delegate  

Wash n wear v. Laundry service  

Late night rock v. Early acoustic  

Take away street food v. Long patio lunches  

Midnight movies v. B&W documentaries / matinées

Riding bus bound for appt…

Riding bus bound for appt w/ holistic nutritionalist to learn more about anti-inflam food & thwarting leaky gut 

#healing #Grateful #sickofit

Yup, I stay pretty busy…

Went shopping today. Got a new toothbrush. Yup, I stay pretty busy. Then made greeting cards to mail in time for Lunar new year. Whew.

The bluer i feel…

Note: The bluer i feel, the more exclamation points i use. A coping mechanism to manifest some level of excitement on tough days. #healing!

…a script we write to tell the story of the life we want to believe we live?

Is ones social media broadcast a script we write to tell the story of the life we want to believe we live?

Truth is that i totally do this. While i advocate radical transparency, my life became weird that past couple years and i use social channels differently. I share what i want my life to be (happiness and adventure) to help thwart the struggles.

Complaining or even talking about my situation (FM/ME, CFS, RLS, CSS…) is super boring to me, i post when i need to feel connected to the outside world by sharing happiness and exclamation points (!) … im not be obscure, i am using channels as a latent sorta support group to generate dopamine hits.

Logging medical assortments…

I’ve done (or am currently doing):

* Acupuncture – many many treatments w/ excellent Dr.

* Traditional Chinese Medicine Teas

* Naturopaths

* FM/CSS Specialist at St. Paul’s Rapid Access Specialist Clinic

* Cognitive Behavioural Therapy sessions (many)

* Counsellor/Therapist (who has gone through transformative health events)

* Food elimination (i eat carefully and well #macrobiotic)

* Massage (deep tissue)

* Dry Needling therapy (wicked painful) for pain

* Anti-depressants (along with loads of other meds)

* Daily Walks or swims (as long as i can handle, about :15)

* Hugs (as many as i can get, esp from nieces)

* CT scans/Ultrasounds/MRIs

* Blood screening work of all kinds

* Daily guided Meditations (recorded)

* FM/CSS/CFS etc Support Groups

* Visualization (me being well)

* Phoenix Tears (CBD cannabis extracts)

* Shamanic cleansing

* Long soaks in mineral rich hot springs

* Extended sleeping and resting

Currently Exploring:

* Essential Oils

* Tapping

* Ayurvedic

* Reflexology