Jan. 7 2014
Optimism is what I misplaced. Prob in a drawer with Magic & Swagger. In process of finding all of these powerful tidbits #healing #Grateful
Jan. 7 2014
Prepping for a north-bound train trip from country hideout to city tower love > then soon thereafter > LAX & Vegas via road #family #concern
Jan. 7, 2014
I resolve to face all challenges and adversities calmly, cheerfully – and with a bowl of oatmeal – as demonstrated in this post-apocolyptic situation in which i clearly saved the world and regrew the forests, all while looking sharp in my the plaid and specs.
Resentment? Bah! Suffering? Happens! Hugs? Still free!
As Lion Claw told me, “If you worry, it’s a problem. If you don’t worry, it’s a problem. So stop worrying and start living!”
The next few days will require me being soft and open to live, understanding other people’s points of view and motivations and moving peacefully (and restfully) through the stream and let the current of the story pull me along.
Jan. 9 2014
Am bound by aeroplane to Los Angeles to meet up with brother number one.
Together we will drive to Las Vegas to meet our other brothers and father for some family discussions of importance.
Brother’s wife has prepared pumpkin soup, Japanese-style, for when I arrive.
In 1992, when I first arrived in Japan, my brother fed me the same kind of pumpkin soup (though I’m sure not as good as this evenings version) and I wrote a haiku about that first night in Japan.
The poem is painted on rice paper in my mix of Eastern and Western art sensibilities.
The poem is especially appropriate for me as I need to feel the texture bottom of life right now.
Messages to future self.
Jan. 9 2014:
From Kris Krug:
Got my ole sick friend dropped off at the airport to go take care of his sick dad. When it rains it muthafuckin pours. Good luck out there @uncleweed! *hug*
Moments later >>
Jan. 9 2014:
And just when I thought life couldn’t get any weirder, I’m on the plane just about to taxi and just got some more strange, news that affects me greatly, yet I have no ability to control.
When the going gets weird, the weird go pro.
Updated (in retrospect) Jan. 9, 2018
This dispatch came up in the flashback… To be clear, what happened was:
My dad had told us a couple weeks before that he had terminal cancer – he wanted to have one last visit with all five of his sons at once (keep in mind, we all live all over the place) in Vegas, which he love despite not gambling, drinking, smoking, strippers etc. -something about the “dry heat.”
Also, brother Andrew with moving into his own place so I had to dual purpose of giving him a bit of celebration and moving help (Nina include it with the help).
At this point, I was in pretty deep with my own illness but booked a ticket to Los Angeles where I would plan to meet up with older brother Bob Olson and drive to Vegas for the rendezvous. Kris Krüg dropped me off at the airport in the rain, got my wheelchair, through security blah blah blah. Keep in mind airplanes and travel in general is pretty tough for this guy but determined to do what my dad wanted.
Just as the airplane cost, announcements about buckling up and all that, and I reach down to turn off my phone to receive a call from step mom said dad was back in the hospital and unable to make the trip.
At that point, I had the choice of either making a big commotion and asking/demanding to be let off the plane and then likely being arrested or barred from flying for an indefinite period, or hunkering-in and do the trip. “You buy the ticket, you take the ride“ the good doctor said.
Of course, I did the trip, and let’s just say it was challenging. Sure all the brothers showed up but there was no place to stay as the timeshare condo had been canceled when dad was unable to go #EyeRoll so we were scattered around various makeshift hotel rooms, couches and the like.
We went out for a night, and tried to smile through it but the vibe just wasn’t right (for me anyway but maybe for others).
We (or I) were confused about what was going on, what comes after a parent dies and the like…
Note the Las Vegas trip is the worst possible environment for a guy in my condition who deals with massive sensory overload from even mildly stimulating environment. Let’s just say I overcompensated.
Brother Bob bugged out towards home the next day, Dan & James at some point after helping Andrew move into his new house… details, although completely unnecessary, are fuzzy but I just remember laying on the little grassy field in front of it with my head spinning with ridiculous pain and anxiety.
My return ticket wasn’t for several days later so I holed up in the Excalibur hotel with black out curtains drawn and fogged out on the prescription meds I was taking then.
Then got shelter at Cory DeMille’s house Where he kept an eye on me, played our favorite all time records then somehow I was at the airport and back to Vancouver but honestly I have no recollection of this part.
Dad would die a month later, 3:30 AM while I held his hand.
Anyhow,.. Didn’t mean to be cryptic with this announcement, but it was realtime on the airplane as I was wondering what the fck to do. Thank you for all your support and kind comments several years ago.
Note to above:
Locating photos i also recall a few more things which are of course obvious but a little foggy:
- we took a “dress-up as cowboys” photo which Bob paid for a gifted to each parent – Dad’s was displayed at his funeral
- we went to Hoftbrau Haus and tried to have fun with sausages
- we went to fancy Paris patio restaurant where Anders worked at the time – they treated us well and we ate much nice food
- importantly, i purchased lederhosen and was very pleased with this whole idea, immediately changing into the fine garment and parading around as is my manner
- Oh, and en route in LA where Bob was attending UCLA, i stopped by the library where there was a special exhibit about Gabriel Garcia Marquez