Category Archives: Healing Ramble

journals, notes, musings and the like about dealing with a consortium of complex and chronic illnesses (fibro/cfs-me) – yeah not the most fun category but whatev

Diary: Home is Where the Herbs are at

Dig a hole in good soil and plant the appropriate items, wait, then dig again

Years ago when I was at an Ayurveda Health Home in Pokhara, Nepal (which was one of the most wonderful experiences of my life, especially in this “healing journey”) the kind doctor suggested I use turmeric daily.

When I asked her what was the best form/way to purchase this, she said “grow your own” and I explained it was difficult because I had no home, no prospects of getting one, and was rambling and rather lost so a garden was not really possible.

Now. Three years later, I have a life, a home, a garden, and turmeric which is now made into things daily.

Note: many good things about this plant especially anti-inflammatory properties.

Also, in this photo is gorgeous ginger, again freshly harvested.

Turmeric and Ginger = magic

Diary: Of Baselines, Baby & Laundry

Ichiro and Dave, sharp outfits, out n about, Okayama, Dec. 1, 2020

Just a note: As it goes, my baseline for a “good day” is: laundry, compost, dishes, bath time with baby. Everything else is a bonus. Recently I’ve been below baseline which means I have to be extra gentle on myself and more time in a dark calm room. 

Folding the laundry also serves as a meditation of sorts. Oh, and (as I talk about *all the time*), we have a magical, super-efficient, washer/dryer all in one which uses the bath water… All of this makes the process easier on me.

Stretch-time include: making pickles and writing postcards. (Note both activities have low margin for error and can be done in short times of activity).

Special energy occasions include: making scrapbooks and paintings and poems. I “want” to be doing these things all of the time as my creative brain is going going going but execution is challenging.

What I came to say is: laundry is the *only thing* I stay up with & Bathtime with baby is my very favorite thing / 40°.

Bonus: here’s me and the dude go into my seitai treatment (which provides me a little bit of physical reset). 

Still in ME/CFS crashmode… nevertheless

Eat simple, good, food – check

Still in ME/CFS crashmode… nevertheless, managing to write many letters and postcards (In hopes of bringing sparks happiness to others as well as keeping my brain turning) and do bathtime with Ichiro (the best).

Still, gets a bit frustrating being stuck.

Pardon my saying this out loud, just trying to get it out of my head.

Carry on. End of dispatch.

Healing: Annotations and updates about health #mecfs

Starting a journey towards Ayurveda, Kerala, India. I was a wreck at this time (weird eh)

Briefly: Annotations and updates about health situation

So much goodness in my life these days (wife, baby, home) but still there are things which challenge me so very much —mostly the pain and brain fog and constant unrefreshingness and crippling fatigue of my weird illness (ME-CFS) but no one wants to hear about that ?

There are two good things, ergo:

1) I’m *doing better* than I was before the 3 extended Ayurveda in-patient stints (India, Nepal, Sri Lanka) which reset my body and cleared out the copious medication as prescribed to me by doctors in Canada/US which almost took me down to bottom of the sea #rough (benzos, opiates, ssris, anti-spasm/etc…)

++ Simplifying life, reducing stress (new life), being in one place all add to this. Keep in mind once “lockdown/quarantine” is over, nothing really changes for me… No big deal, I have hobbies.

2) In the wake of the “current public health viral situation” ™, there’s suddenly a lot more attention on my consortium of illnesses due to the “c19 long haulers“ who are experiencing the same sort of symptoms (brain fog, sensory overstimulation, unrefreshing sleep, muscles/joint ache, etc. etc.) and being told by doctors that “there’s nothing wrong“ so suddenly, there’s a lot more science overlapping to folks like me. As such, virologists and super-computers are suddenly pointing powers towards cracking codes which relate to me (no I’m not selfish).

And suddenly there’s all kinds of “main stream“ news coverage and discussion about this illness *and* emerging tests coming from Montréal of all places to determine *real* biomarkers based on “PEM/post exercise malaise”.

I mention main stream because a lot of the coverage and information about my illnesses (ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia and CSS) get overlapped with other “things” and a lot of crap about it being “in your head“ and you get referred to cognitive behavioral therapy and gradiated exercise therapy both of which do more harm than good and are clearly debunked as useful treatments. And holy wow, so much snake oil and magical treatments and gurus out there… People drain their life trying to find a way out of this deep dark well. I know, I am one of them… hundreds of dollars a month on supplements and B vitamin injections and saunas and trigger point injection therapy and blah blah blah.

I’m writing this because after a great art exhibit at buddy’s goat farm – where I really paced myself and was careful and all of that – I’ve been in bed/crash mode for three days (I do the laundry and dishes and take out the trash and compost so better than other times in my life) since.

Anyhow:

Added a few links and comments in a FB flow to send out to the universe.

(Keep in mind various plant medicines which would be rather fortuitous are simply not available in my current geographical situation).

PS this is not a request for advice, sympathy, empathy or whatever… How are you doing?

PPS my heart is happy *and* sometimes my brain works so two out of three ain’t bad

More: And yes, sending letters and postcards is *therapy* and brings me joy as I can do this in simple little quiet times, spark my brain and bring happiness to others (I think anyway :-)). ++ Bathtime with Ichiro is great for both of us. The hot deep Japanese ofuro baths are a huge help for me

Note to self: The important thing is not to get frustrated when I “crash” as hard as it is / drink tulsi tea, hot bath, fresh air, low stim

Note: I’m sharing all these links because in the last 3 to 6 months there’s been more “actual science and reporting” than in the previous 6+ years since I was diagnosed (May 2013)

Note: It’s walking through a foggy mysterious painful confusing maze / obstacle course every day > sometimes I find a footing and float myself out into the world – Literally or metaphorically – though I don’t much make a distinction anymore. I’m alive, I have a pen and paper and tasty beverages so I’ll take that

PS in reply to some messages, my diet is aces (hooray miso, genmei, fish, pickles) and I have “done the work” with various eliminations and eating systems over the years.

Yes, counseling, lots of it and very helpful at certain times.
(You don’t even have to ask about journals do you?)

There’s an evolving/backfill inspection at my web archive called “healing journey” with more of curious (a lot more in the draft folder including completely parts of my various things at Ayurvedic clinics and hospitals in Thailand

Memo: After frustrations with “one test at a time” I (somehow) went daily to hospital in a anonymous workday city and did 27+ different (sophisticated/specialized) tests especially to illuminate /eliminate other possible diagnoses or identify problems, plus MRI, EEG etc.
Also loads of traditional Thai massage (the kind with a beat you up & stretch you out / not *that kind* …)

Healing: Annotations about M.E. (vis a vis Cvd19 long haul)

Healing Peace from yer ole pal / Still M.E.

(from a Twtr thread, here for posterity) note: find a better way to archive all this if possible

Memento: Birthday Tarot reading (in scrapbook), 2016

Memento: Birthday Tarot reading (in scrapbook), 2016
Memento: Birthday Tarot reading (in scrapbook), 2016

I’m of the mind to believe in everything and nothing, and keep my mind open, except when it needs to be closed and taking the things that serve me well and to let go of the things it don’t except when i’m wrong…  In other words: going with the flow and seeing where the current takes me.

Anyway, this is to say that I have a wonderful friend who, on a few significant occasions, pulled Tarot cards for me, and read them diligently and insightfully, sharing the messages – which I then processed, and keep them in a scrapbook where I found them to be shockingly prescient at times, and at others, well maybe less so regardless, very grateful for her kindness and wisdom.

In this case, I believe was my birthday in a really hard year, I felt very lost, scared and alone and in great danger / turns out i was all of those.

Memo: probably nice to do again.

Riff: creativity in solitude(ish) from experience

I went from being very social and active to often housebound due to a chronic and complex illness, and spent extended stints sequestered at Ayurvedic clinics & various hospitals …

Finding yourself cooped up due to public health situation? Your solution is: digging into projects which maintain your mental acuity and move your fine motor skills but also, very importantly, produce something in the end.

Like: making scrapbooks of life ephemera, organizing letters and photos, writing down your stories, make a podcast, read war and peace (or similar), write a novel (desert solitaire or similar), make some songs, write some poems, compile your journals and diaries, embark on “personal archaeology” by sort-ganizing your old report cards, certificates and participation ribbons / put them in binders with sheet protectors or make a shadowbox… I can go on and on but I think you get the gist.

Or this is a great time to take an online course about something you dig (I recently did a Japanese book culture course). Many universities have all sorts of free courses (start at open culture or Internet archive) plus you can just learn something new on your own via other folks like you, i.e.: how to make Lo-Fi beats, how to play the ukulele, how to paint with oils… IOW, Get started on something interesting which can be a new hobby and produce some neat artifacts,rather than just trying to level up on a video game.

Verily, choose activities with intentions / of course, chill out but consider watching a specific classic epic movie (ask me if you need some tips) rather than sifting through nonsense to binge (and in general minimize mindless, high-twitch screentime).

Look at this as an opportunity to do all those little projects you’ve *always meant to do*.

Also, letter writing is cheap and cheerful and immensely satisfying, especially for others who are routinely shut in (elders, disabled, remotes etc.)

If you need someone to cheer you along or give you some more ideas are examples, of course I am friendly if a bit slow sometimes.

I will note that it’s totally up to you what do you do and all that, I’m just encouraging expansion of your brain through art and culture and creativity – and im speaking from so much experience.

All the hugs, your possibly-favourite uncle

Photo Trevor Erikson

Losing and Finding Creativity for “Real Rebel” podcast

I share declarations and healing stories while answering the question: Was there ever a time where you lost creativity? And how did you get it back? Recorded for, and excerpt shared on Katie Beumann’s Real Rebel podcast, Band of Rebels segment 04 released on Feb 22, 2019.

Shared in full here for posterity.

Soliloquy to go: Losing and Finding Creativity for “Real Rebel” podcast (43MB, 29:07, 192k stereo, mp3)

Glad to See CBD in Japan

In 1993, i began researching and uncovering the unique history of Cannabis in Japan, later (1998-2004) publishing my treatise “Hemp Culture in Japan” in several magazines and books (with encouragement from John Roulac and collaborations with Joe Wein and others).

At the time, hemp was still very taboo and only a secret crop used for the emperor’s new clothes (really).

Now, some decades later, hemp culture is so very alive in Japan with dozens of licensed crops, trade associations, conference forums, film screenings, museums and gentle activism and education campaigns. I am working to connect to this community as i have much to share and learn.

Anyhow, I am a very proud uncle to see all of this.

And now coming full circle in a way, i can enjoy great quality CBD tincture delivered to my new home in Okayama – specifically from Elixinol (an Australian-based company with divisions + relationships in Japan and elsewhere) is rolling out high-quality products with great promotional materials and messaging. The potential is truly boundless.

Thanks and congrats to Paul Benhaim and Makoto Matsumaru. Please let me know how i can help your noble efforts.

PS Worth noting for the record that I deal with ME/CFS and fibromyalgia.

Pondering the difference… (whilst feeling blue) #poem

Pondering the difference
Between letting go and giving up
When I need something to hold onto

Doing “self-care” but I get so wiped out
Waiting for the current to drive me away

Check the expectations of others – Where do I hide these feelings? Why was she so mean?

So tired of being tired each day

Made a list of happy times
Things I’d like in past times
Is this useful or a trap?

So made a list of things to do
When feeling “this”
But find I’m bored
And reminisce simply that I’m blue

Acknowledgment of art and pain
Respect and fellowship
Simply to be loved and adored
“Is that too much to ask?”