Tag Archives: anxiety

Diary: haircuts, collage, task lists & other unnecessary notes

Thumbs up for the “BC invasion” with fresh snips-ups on the heads of me & Ichi-Stan for this affable renegade Barber in a shop that’s quite literally falling apart and where it will always be 1973 with ashtrays in the barber chair arms. But “don’t touch that beard”.

Ichi-Stan got trimmed up to, sitting on his mama’s lap, like a champ, but he won’t stand still for a photo.

lost in Showa barber who is kinda my pal now after 3+ years

And the eye infection has cleared up… Definitely threw me for a loop & I really appreciate all the kind words over the last while about that conundrum

“I’m trying to get back to everyone yet many small tasks to tend to and it’s critical I shut down to start the trip on the “front foot” so I’m trying my best” and thank you thank you so much for remembering me”

lantern, firebell and post box – its a triple!

A bouquet of flowers (not the usual Japanese arranging) in the genkon of Tsuchida Cottage for anyone and everyone who needs a little spark.

{brought to our “pizza party” by a remarkable Japanese lady who lives in Turkey with her hubbo but he’s here for an extended stay with her son for safety reasons}.

PS I’m reminding myself that this trip ahead should be fun and it will unfold just the way it supposed to and I’m gonna stop planning now.

Heart Sutra for memory of a lost one

Friendly “thank you” to all the kind folks sending me good vibes last couple of weeks with eye infection, marathon of hospital check-ins, and general antsiness & anxiety about turning the BC trip with my darlings into a *Napoleonic campaign* – finally starting to reach baseline.

{it’s really important to me that friends in Vancouver & Victoria who have stuck with me know how much I appreciate them // and want to give each proper respect and time… so reminding myself I am doing my best & must remember my limitations and priorities}

Of course, still many tasks to do to have the house prepared for us being gone as well as preparing us to be gone but most importantly, must remember to rest so I start the trip on the “front foot” so to speak. #MECFS crash mode must be avoided for the benefit of me and my beloved companions. 10 years in, I’m still figuring this out.

oh look, 3 checkmarks!

I submitted a new creation of postal art collage called “Aerogramme from Pokhara” to this exhibit in Boise Idaho featuring a first day cover from Aug 1 1975 (brother Dan’s 2nd birthday) + much ephemera.

Got it mailed in time (shock!) and even cut into some very unique items and typed a fictional (or is it) letter / will let you know when/if appears in exhibit and then lives in Univ of Idaho’s special collections. maybe
my friend HJC can see it

Call to Artists: Paper + Post – #Kolaj Magazine

Maybe I’m ruining the surprise but really excited to share these sharp commemorative cards by MOO with folks we meet at our upcoming trip

{in the meantime, now you know our postal address so you can send us a postcard} thanks to Cory A, Okamoto Taro and NHK ad yes that’s a Dymo labeler}

PS Vancouver is kind of “frozen in Amber” in 2011 or so for me / feels like last week and definitely not 12 years ago. I started a poem about this but was quite too much to bear all the memories still somehow. Present Moment and all.

LHO at 10515 154th St, Guildford, circa 1979

BC Invasion trip / energy vs expectations and plans #driBC

Feeling a little bit antsy and in a tizzy about all the plans and options for upcoming “BC Invasion trip [April 11 ~ May 25] to Vancouver & Victoria etc areas. #driBC

So, first I’m very grateful for everyone’s participation & interest and for simply remembering me after i disappeared with illness and other life conundrums.

Keeping Expectations Balanced with Priorities

Next, extending a warm invitation to come meet us at various parks and gardens where we’ll be with a picnic blanket and a thermos of coffee at checkpoints in:

  • Langley/Surrey: current til April 19
  • West End / DT Vancouver: April 19 ~ 25
  • Metchosin: April 25 ~ 29
  • Victoria / Oak Bay: April 29 ~ May 3
  • Pender Isle (Woods & Sparrow): May 3 ~ 10
  • Fairview / Kits: May 10 ~ 12
  • North Van / Lynn Valley: May 12 ~ 17
  • Langley / Surrey: May 17 ~ 25
  • Home to Tsuchida Cottage: May 25/26

“Main point” of the trip is for my darling wife and adorable son to meet family as well as to reconnect with hugs and gifts with so many of you wonders.

Especially eager to meet kids for Ichiro to hang with at wonderful playground. Also, so grateful for recent friends coming to visit and participating in our life.

My big concern is “crashing” with this illness which puts me out of action for days/weeks. Good news is: doing the best i have in years thanks to some recent treatment protocols and modalities.

PS great article in The Atlantic about #MECFS

I’m doing my best but/and if we can’t meet, no big deal – its complicated and folks have lives/jobs etc, please come to Japan! A safe, efficient, interesting, amusing, and somewhat affordable destination where we will be happy to welcome you with tea and goats.

Very eager to avoid micro-planning on phone robot and dealing with the social media diaspora if you know what i mean. Oh, there’s a GDoc, hit me up if you want access.

Fondly, from Tsuchida Cottage

dvo + ryoko and ichiro

us at the goat farm… heading your way

Diary: disintermediated ramble about preparing for rambles and stand-bys

Preamble: While planning for this trip to Vancouver & Victoria I’ve noticed that yes, obviously, a lot has changed (duh) & a lot of the places (cafés, neighborhoods, parks) I want to visit are definitely tied to nostalgia and memories (and facing ghosts from past life)

nostalgia is a heck of drug

{aside: finding nostalgia for Vancouver past is more potent than thoughts and plans for Vancouver present – neighbourhoods once loved now “not recommended (esp with a toddler who like to pick things up off sidewalk”), no more dim sum carts, hotels with endless extra taxes and fees, restaurants are expensive + tipping, complicated transit zones schemes persist, old haunts gone, so we go one}

Dear Diary:

10:45 in bed eating granola and medications, wife outside running woodchipper, grateful for noise-cancelling headphones.

Today’s “must-do” is organizing 70 days of meds in fishing tackle box.

Ok bye

Anyway, in the meanwhile… I’ve got out of bed, put on the clothes, now going to fold some laundry, rock the dishwasher, and organize some meds before he comes… (Actually looking at the clock I will do 1.5 of those tasks)

37% of me wants to go back to bed, another 15% of me wants to make a video to remind folks about my limitations for BC trip (i.e.: “I/we can’t meet you at *fancy place* at 7 PM for dinner but hey, we’re on a picnic blanket at a park from 11AM till 2PM with a thermos of coffee”)

Otherwise: So now, this is the last week of Ichiro school / the school year begins and ends in March in Japan so there was just graduations and he moved up to the next class which he will only be in for about two weeks total.

We pull him out and then stretch run for getting a whole ton of stuff ready for Canada… Not just the suitcase of medications, the suitcase of gifts (possibly two suitcases), various clothes for rainy weather but also doing all the stuff to get the house in “stand-by mode“ which includes standing up mattresses and fumigations (we’re going into the season of the bugs), having mosquito nets ready for when we come back, packing up the futons and the bags with the “bugs don’t eat me” devices inside plus… Of course the wife needs to renew her drivers license (her birthday is while we are in Canada) and…

We’re hosting a little pizza party as a post show celebration for the bands concert two weeks ago (because yes, we need something else to do), plus a retirement for another pal and “safe pregnancy” for another and i guess “bon voyage” for us. First time to have more than a few folks over, including several kids.

As such, finding a new school for Ichiro to start in September (looking into two or three days a week more nature and fun and free play-based environment… yesterday wife investigated a YMCA program which looked really good except it’s about a 40 minute drive away which is kind of a drag to do but I was able to tell her about the importance of the YMCA in my Dad’s life… Child of a poor single mother in Regina Saskatchewan, that was his hang out and finally charted his career path and his first job out of university was a program Director at YMCA, of course I have the business card).

There’s also the saga of the piano player from our wedding whose husband died recently suddenly (my age, a heart attack) and we’re going tomorrow with the little dump truck to help haul some stuff away… Specifically including a stone specially made for pounding rice in the mochi / no, you can’t make this up. But, we have a dump truck and my wife is endlessly supportive, creative and nothing is impossible so… I just ride along and pretend to help.

So, were less than two weeks out and have too many tasks but what gets done gets done… Yesterday I organized medications and labeled everything, today I am going to try to bang out a little profile for open medicine foundation (you know this group/organization right?) for awareness and *yikes* share my story just as i hit 10 years since “sick day”.

There’s also a call for submissions for University of Idaho in Boise for mail art collage and… I mean, no one ever asks for this kind of stuff specifically so I really feel like I should make something but, maybe I’ll do that on the 9th, mail it on the 10th and fly out on the 11th… Maybe mail it from the airport as a bonus. I have a dear friend who lives in Boise who will be able to go see it in real life… Maybe take her husband and kids (they are adults now) that would make it kind of fun for me.

Also, 1 more round of injection, 1 more setai treatment, and a haircut for me and Ichiro so we are rolling sharp.

I also remind myself that six months ago or a year ago or two years ago I couldn’t do a quarter of what I’m doing now. I am grateful but so anxious.

{gonna be a lot of picnics in parks and when using hotels, booked rooms with kitchenette / going April May will be better cost than July/ August but still, i’m a medically-retired pensioner so gotta be frugal while still showing wife and kiddo funtimes}

Bonus:

My kid got up in his “moose suit” fleece romper, checked out his new art gallery we hung up yesterday, set out granola and bowls for the family, & tuned the radio to Peter Barakan’s NHK radio show playing Grateful Dead’s “Casey Jones’” sung by Warren Zevon (I’m pretty sure) #Parenting

He’s definitely curious, energetic and is developing great taste in music. He spent most of the “public health restriction time” hanging out with adults and that impact is definitely evident.

Memo: strange dreams (despite all the goodness)

wall of kura barn somehow the contrast makes sense

strange dreams (despite all the goodness)

So many weird dreams last night. Did nice “loving kindness“ meditation before sleep and tried to let all the natural disasters & human conundrums float into night sky but maybe it’s all getting to me a little bit.

Themes of not being able to catch up and do enough on “anything“.

Wishing peace and calm to all sentiment beings as possible.

So much wonderfulness in my life but sometimes well, the serotonin and dopamine or whatever just get a little out of whack… So much I want to do but I have to remember to roll it slow.

Everything is trucking along and yeah, reflecting on how much has happened in this last year under unusual circumstances.
I better just pick up the ukulele…

##

Ed says, “Seems to me u just might be overthinking the situation a little. Or, u just might be holding yourself to a higher standard than others expect from you. You’ve been doing great, accomplished one hell of a lot in a short period of time. Lighten up on yourself. Enjoy, just enjoy what you’ve got. Deep breath. Love ya.”

Kim says, ” This is my constant struggle! You’re doing a great job, just knowing you’re out there in the world really helps to keep me calm & inspired!”