Tag Archives: illness

Old vs New (notes re: self)

Renegade adventurer v. Eccentric gentleman  

Remote and natural v. Walkable villages  

Ragged beards v. Straight razor shaves and mustache  

Hiking shorts and rock t-s v. Tailored suits and fitted shirts  

Free conference pens v. Disposable fountain pens  

Craft beer v. Water and tea  

Fat doobies v. Unfiltered cigarillos  

Freeverse v. Lyrics

DIY repairs v. Takeout mending  

Self-service v. Delegate  

Wash n wear v. Laundry service  

Late night rock v. Early acoustic  

Take away street food v. Long patio lunches  

Midnight movies v. B&W documentaries / matinées

Of logistics and papers of health conundrums…


Hey Pals, remember a week or so ago when I was feeling so blue and grousing about all this paperwork and the anxiety and the stress it causes…?

Well after a mighty effort yesterday, everything is packaged into four envelopes to mail to various government offices, doctors, insurance companies and so on.

But I’ll tell you, it was no fun emotionally or mentally as i listed all the different doctors, treatments, modalities and so on for the past three years. And the net result is of no benefit to me as they simply take out the Canada pension plan disability pymt from my private insurance disability payment (Which, don’t get me wrong I’m incredibly grateful to receive otherwise I would be living in a tarpaper shack by now).

Telling you this as a “victory lap” since I didn’t go out to celebrate with pints and joints till 4:20 AM (instead took a long hot bath with Japanese bath salts, three kinds of soap and some nice tunes in a dark bathroom) 

Plus telling you this so I can let you know I truly appreciate each of you for acknowledging me when I’m losing my shit, offering to help, letting me know that you care and that I’m not invisible.

I know I’m not a real peach to be around these days and as much as I try to be positive and optimistic, there is no mental strength I have to stop wondering “what if?”…

I’ve gotten closer to acceptance in that I accept that I will never be the guy I used to be, and progress will be slow but there is more out there for me to do. 

My revolutions are now much more gentle and usually done from the comfort of a bed.

But truly, thanks, I often regret sharing this shit with all of you since everyone has lives and responsibilities and expectations and problems but, it’s what I know how to do.

Did I mention thanks and that I adore you?

I’ll add a photo of something as people seem to enjoy those :-) and now that I’m done, perhaps I’ll share a new batch of music for your ears soon to overwhelm all the negativity, violence and politics and religion and nonsense in the world.

Occasionally, Dave

i’m super wanna be over…

i’m super wanna be over with this disability in general, but especially done with the fucking paperwork that endlessly comes along.

##

PS I really hate it when I say anything about this publicly because I hate being a downer but, it’s truthfully not just the paperwork (of course) that’s just one other thing that piled on top of all the insomnia and muscle spasms and pain and confusion and brain fog.

Now that I’ve been prescription med free for over a year, I have more brain, but also more pain.

And in my somewhat bullshit “journey towards acceptance”, I’m trying not to be so coy and vague and take all this on myself. Truthfully it’s more than I can handle.

Just thanks to you each for listening and still caring about this broke down old dude.

I had a few super great days, the best I’ve had in sometime but then the inevitable crash happens and payback is a fucking bitch.

#Spoonies

Riding bus bound for appt…

Riding bus bound for appt w/ holistic nutritionalist to learn more about anti-inflam food & thwarting leaky gut 

#healing #Grateful #sickofit

Yup, I stay pretty busy…

Went shopping today. Got a new toothbrush. Yup, I stay pretty busy. Then made greeting cards to mail in time for Lunar new year. Whew.

The bluer i feel…

Note: The bluer i feel, the more exclamation points i use. A coping mechanism to manifest some level of excitement on tough days. #healing!

…a script we write to tell the story of the life we want to believe we live?

Is ones social media broadcast a script we write to tell the story of the life we want to believe we live?

Truth is that i totally do this. While i advocate radical transparency, my life became weird that past couple years and i use social channels differently. I share what i want my life to be (happiness and adventure) to help thwart the struggles.

Complaining or even talking about my situation (FM/ME, CFS, RLS, CSS…) is super boring to me, i post when i need to feel connected to the outside world by sharing happiness and exclamation points (!) … im not be obscure, i am using channels as a latent sorta support group to generate dopamine hits.

Open all the doors (and see reflections)

The Santeria god/ess of doors, windows, pathways & corridors opens destinations & closes pitfalls as needed

Logging medical assortments…

I’ve done (or am currently doing):

* Acupuncture – many many treatments w/ excellent Dr.

* Traditional Chinese Medicine Teas

* Naturopaths

* FM/CSS Specialist at St. Paul’s Rapid Access Specialist Clinic

* Cognitive Behavioural Therapy sessions (many)

* Counsellor/Therapist (who has gone through transformative health events)

* Food elimination (i eat carefully and well #macrobiotic)

* Massage (deep tissue)

* Dry Needling therapy (wicked painful) for pain

* Anti-depressants (along with loads of other meds)

* Daily Walks or swims (as long as i can handle, about :15)

* Hugs (as many as i can get, esp from nieces)

* CT scans/Ultrasounds/MRIs

* Blood screening work of all kinds

* Daily guided Meditations (recorded)

* FM/CSS/CFS etc Support Groups

* Visualization (me being well)

* Phoenix Tears (CBD cannabis extracts)

* Shamanic cleansing

* Long soaks in mineral rich hot springs

* Extended sleeping and resting

Currently Exploring:

* Essential Oils

* Tapping

* Ayurvedic

* Reflexology

after spending so much time in Drs office…

In other news, after spending so much time in Drs office + labs etc, I’ve finally started answering to David rather than insisting on Dave.