I want to laugh so hard my face is going to fall off
I want to be hugged and squeezed so hard my ribs might break
I want to be told nice things so much that I blush
I don’t want jealousy or snideness or cynicism or snarkiness or sarcasm
I want kindness and creativity to/for me like I give to others
I want patience, like real honest patience, with no expectations that I will “do anything“ besides bathe and hydrate and rest
I want a safe place where I can spend hours fiddling with papers and pencils and scissors and glue
I want to wake up in the first thing I do is *not* feel pain
I want to lay down on the pillow and fall asleep without twitching and flipping and flopping for hours
I want a night without nightmares
I want to feel that feeling that people call optimism
I want to not think about dying (and relief it would bring) #NotSelfdestructive
I genuinely want people to enjoy the creations I make… and not just people I “know“… like strangers and people “in the wild“
I want respect for my contributions to humanity
I want to rest, like actual invigorating rest where you wake up refreshed
I want gentle adventure
I want to believe what I’m saying and telling other people
I want to cry for an actual reason – not just all the time
I want to nap where I actually fall asleep, not just laying there, staring at the ceiling
I want to be touched, gently
I want to believe in something
I want to be adored
I want to feel important (again)
I know many of these things are called actual “true things“ already… But I want to actually legit “feel” them.
Approximately 98% of my energy is sucked away by simply getting out of bed, bathing and hydrating and (sorta) pulling myself out of depression.