Tag Archives: doctors

What i want… fully

I want to laugh so hard my face is going to fall off

I want to be hugged and squeezed so hard my ribs might break

I want to be told nice things so much that I blush

I don’t want jealousy or snideness or cynicism or snarkiness or sarcasm

I want kindness and creativity to/for me like I give to others

I want patience, like real honest patience, with no expectations that I will “do anything“ besides bathe and hydrate and rest

I want a safe place where I can spend hours fiddling with papers and pencils and scissors and glue

I want to wake up in the first thing I do is *not* feel pain

I want to lay down on the pillow and fall asleep without twitching and flipping and flopping for hours

I want a night without nightmares

I want to feel that feeling that people call optimism

I want to not think about dying (and relief it would bring) #NotSelfdestructive

I genuinely want people to enjoy the creations I make… and not just people I “know“… like strangers and people “in the wild“

I want respect for my contributions to humanity

I want to rest, like actual invigorating rest where you wake up refreshed

I want gentle adventure

I want to believe what I’m saying and telling other people

I want to cry for an actual reason – not just all the time

I want to nap where I actually fall asleep, not just laying there, staring at the ceiling

I want to be touched, gently

I want to believe in something

I want to be adored

I want to feel important (again)

I know many of these things are called actual true things“ already… But I want to actually legit “feel” them. Approximately 98% of my energy is sucked away by simply getting out of bed, bathing and hydrating and (sorta) pulling myself out of depression.

Grateful: International Women’s Day

A fond salute of admiration to exceptional, compassionate, empathetic and skilled medical professionals who have helped me along on this healing journey. Admiration for their tenacity in training, professionalism in practice, and kindness and patience shown to this ole brokedown poet. #respect

Medications versus Gurus

Muscles atrophy
And nerve endings are tingling
Do you attempt to ignore,
When facing reality?

Pain owns you
No matter your positivity
Medications and Gurus
Are temporary
And you are left alone

Parents gone, loves faded, friends confused, and un-intendedly wrong

Healing notes from a waiting room

#Grateful to the folks who pick me up when I’m feeling down. Got some good support at brain injury society Victoria yesterday.

In a fog.

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Also, a plumber came to fix garburetor and ended up giving me some sweet OG Kush buds. Any wonder why Im called “uncle weed? #medicine

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Waiting for my medical appointment… & Wilco + Billy Bragg singing Woody Guthrie’s California stars comes on #littlewins

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Heading into medical appointment now which concludes today’s social media broadcasts from your belauguered pal daveo

Carry on etc

Slowly, slowly

Perhaps the hardest i’ve pushed myself mentally in a long time. Weeded through loads of forms and trying to reassemble life from spare parts

Feeling pretty happy today. Got Drs. appts lined up, new juice recipe, & feeling a little less blue + tiny bit less weak. Slowly Slowly Dave.

Notes from re-entry

Struggling with re-entry a wee bit. Had some odd complications and taking it easy and unsocial.

I’m lagging on all sort of correspondence, projects for Jamaica, and calling my Mom and stuff but gotta keep it super chill til i get stable. #healing #grateful #sleep #slow

Here’s a photo to amuse in the meantime – it’s me being a tour guide in Guam in 1995.

Dave gives a spiel at Starsand Beach, Guam, circa 1995

For reference, this is me at 25 years old taking a group of Japanese package tourists into the Guam jungle to show them WW2 wreckage, hidden caves, wild pigs and carabao with a rest stop at a Chamorro hut we built to enjoy some coconut snacks. Place is called Starsand Beach Club. Here’s a vague sense of where: https://goo.gl/maps/B2edk

The beach club closed down after 9/11 due to security concerns as we had to bring tourists and staff through Andersen AFB each day.

In other words, i haven’t changed much… except that around this time, i found the Internets which altered my life course.