Self Medicating with a Hobby Garden – Tokes on the Porch

Note: Originally Appeared in Heads Magazine Toke on the Porch blog January 29, 2007

I’ve spent much of the past 15 years or so moving around countries and climates and it’s rare when I am able to put down roots in one place long enough to get a grow going. While making articles and films, i’ve seen alot of killer grow houses … whole basements loaded with multiple rooms of fragrant ganja trees. I’ve seen buddies who couldn’t cheat their way through the 8th grade science fair now growing massive crops using hydro, aeroponics, soil, outdoor, geeez even growing in soil bags on net platforms high up in a redwood tree canopy (hmmm, that one sounds like an article).

The point of all this is I recently caught the growing bug and, now that I realize that any monkey who can follow some instructions can grow, I heartily encourage anyone with a taste for the chronic nuggs to invest a few hundred bucks and make a micro garden. Home-growing is especially critical for medical patients (and their caregivers) who do not have the gumption (and lawyer on retainer) for a bigscale operation and seek to avoid the hassle and mystery of hooking up with a vendor.

Two things were holding me back along with my lack of location: 1) my lack of a green thumb (really I am not a plant whisperer) and, 2) the legal hassle risk asscoiated with me being rather “intentionally indiscrete” about my affection for roasting the tasty flowers.

Sure, I’m not one of these dudes activating since 1972 or something. But, I do publish articles, books and films using my own name (which is usually listed in the phone book ’cause I am too cheap to spend the extra money to unlist it), plus photos abound of me enjoying an Amsterdam lifestyle and roasting all over my beloved Vancouver, and I manage to make it into the mainstream media from time to time.  I’ve been to jail and prefer my couch, but me showing that a dude can toke aplenty and still get stuff done.

Sure high-rollers figure anything under 500 plants is a waste of time, but I am talking 3-6 plants which is plenty to keep the most enthusiastic of tokers well supplied with their faves. No more wondering if your neighborhood dealer just made up the name “Polar Ice” or if you are really smoking (or vapeing in my case) G-13 or NL5 or Amnesia Haze (mmm), … you know what’s going into your lungs cause you grew it! Again, really important for medical needs which demand specific characteristics for medication.

All this is old news for many (special thank you to all the excellent growers out there and f%$&k you to all the schwag producers), but those of you who are wondering how to get started can listen to my experience in a recent podcast “Purple Kush Micro Growtime” – a wee story of me and a beautiful girl who came to my house to visit (and is now curing in a mason jar).

You’ll find if you start with good genetics, build a clean and controllable environment and provide proper nutrients and light, you’ll be growing weed as fine as you see in the pages of Heads (well maybe on your second try anyhow ;-).